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[24 Nov 2004|11:45pm] |
new username!! hope_in_a_kiss
i'll be back to this one, i'm sure! =)
and add meee!!!!!!!
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[24 Nov 2004|01:29pm] |
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you know.. the song that makes me smile.. "breathe" |
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so it was a tie.. but the juniors were so much better.
when i got home last night i felt absolutely drained. i stayed up doing homework and fell asleep while reading the rest of the crucible. i knew i should have finished it on the plane home from florida but you know me.. ms.procrastinator. i got up around 1 to turn my light off and saw that i had missed a call. it figures that the one night i have my cell phone on somebody calls and i don't hear it. well, it was sara.. she left a very nice voice message that made me smile a whole lot =) but i was still sad. i called her back and left her a message that was almost echoing her own. but it was cute and i hope she feels better about what's going on. it was one of those times that i wished more than anything that we lived closer, and our only form of communication wasn't the phone or aim. deptford.. it's changed. well the people have. i've seen friends come and go right before my eyes. i miss seeing everybody but i know some things will never return back to normal. and i'm at fault for some of that.
dom's in south carolina for jess's graduation. he left yesterday and it's been lonely without seeing him in school. i miss him terribly. we haven't hung out since before i left for florida and everyday that little miss feeling gets worse. god i hate that feeling. =( i guess that's how he felt while i was away. i'm so proud of jess.. it made me smile how excited dom was to go down there and see her graduate. he's very proud of her. =)so cute!
tomorrow will be my first thanksgiving ever without my grandmom. i don't know how it's going to be. i won't wake up and right away go to the phone to wish her happy thanksgiving, like my brother sister and i did every year(except last year when she was living with us.) when i was little i made her a hand print and turned it into a little turkey. it was a kindergarten project and after i carefully wrote "love forever, krissy" in my best handwriting i remember running home and asking my mom if we could please go to grandmom's so i can give it to her. she absolutely adored it and as long as she lived in that apartment it hung on her fridge. i glanced at it every once and a while and chuckled at the cheesy rhyme that was above the handprint, but i knew my grandmom treasured that and all the little letters i used to write her. well.. i found that handprint in her room the other day. i broke down and layed on her bed.. angry at myself for taking such advantage of her living here. i didn't spend enough time with her. we were close but i was growing up and i had things to do, as did she. now she's gone and i want more than anything to bring her back.. to make myself wake up from this nightmare. i can't listen to any christmas music without becoming hysterical. i know this pain will pass but right now it's excruciating and wearing me down.
*wipes face* okay. well i don't know what's going on for tonight but the rest of my break is pretty full! tomorrow after dinner i'm going to my dad's. friday is a game at night but during the day i'll probably go shopping with my mom.. after all it is "black friday" lol. saturday is probably something with dom and sunday something with the girls. yep.. pretty booked. buut you know.. things change. ;)
happy thanksgiving.. remember all that you have!!
<3 x7428295
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[23 Nov 2004|06:12pm] |
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a perfect circle.. i missed you.. |
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i don't get you.. you want people to care about you? you have to care about other people.. stop thinking your life is so horrible. i would hate to see you when a real problem comes up.. whoa.
sara, i love you =( everything will be okay! stay strong<3
GO JUNIORS!!! woooooo!
if all the rain drops were lemon drops and gum drops, oh what a rain that would be! =)
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[22 Nov 2004|07:17pm] |
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not too good heh =( |
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selena |
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florida was bunchessss of fun. i met mickey and tigger<3 eeee.
manda, i miss you. =(
haven't actually slept in days.. and today was terrible. could barely keep my eyes open in any of my classes. =/
full house isn't on! stupid fatherhood. why did they take away my full house? that's what puts me to sleep every night.. whyyyy?
only 2 more days.
yay for the computer working again! =) but i seriously am cutting down on the online time.. my report card isn't going to be good. stupd biology and spanish.
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[14 Nov 2004|10:38pm] |
background is normal for now. =)
if it goes away and all you can see if black(and the stupid angelfire sign), thennnnn highlight it and i'll fix it laterrr. lol<3
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[14 Nov 2004|09:26am] |
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crushed |
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westlife.. haaaa. |
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all i ask of you(whoever is reading this) is to please keep the screen reduced.. not maximized.. that way the background looks normal. =) nope i'm still not giving in and taking it away.. i will get it to work!
so yesterday, as i mentioned many times in here was the last competition of the season. i woke up around 8 to get ready and head over to practice. the band room had been decorated by the seniors and looked great. the best was the "do you remember?" wall. i remembered mostly everything because of my brother, and some things were there from last year. it was nice. we went outside and it was cold, but not nearly as bad as it had been during the week. i was sad that charles wasn't there.. he's my favorite. we did basics and looked absolutely awesome. my feet hurt a little bit but i sucked it up and tried my best. had some fun conversations with the people around me.. of course. we did that for only a little bit and then arched it up and warmed up. we looked good there too! dave promised that if we had a good practice that we would go in early. so we tried.. and whoa, we had an awesome one! every part that we went over we did only once or twice and bam.. it looked good. yay for being cold and wanting to go in!
we got done a half hour early(it was supposed to be 9-11) and had another half hour until lunch. i hung out with.. mm basically everybody lol. took some pictures but blah i don't feel like posting them. lunch was.. well it was erin colette and kristin so what do you think? fuun as usual. we got changed and the boys ran through our locker room.. so the girls ran through theirs. i heard(no, i didn't go.. kris and i couldn't find where they had gone!) it wasn't as fun because the ugly boys mooned people.. *covers eyes* oh no. once that was done we boarded the busses.
well you can just guess that the bus ride was hilarious. i was tired and i had alot of things on my mind but you see.. that's the great thing about having a competition every weekend.. something bad happens, you get very far away from it. i didn't fall asleep at all! i was close but then i woke myself up and reminded myself that this was the 2nd to last bus ride. cannot go to sleep.
when we got there we did the pee break, of course. giant's stadium!! haha i got to pee in the locker room!! it was so cool. just like i remembered from last year. it was really windy though and my hands went numb in an instant. after peeing and all we did basics and warmed up again.. still sounding awesome. our energy level was 48853x it is usually. we were ready.
we waited in the tunnel as the band before us finished. the seniors started crying. i just stood there.. i was sad, but this happened last year and i let it bother me too much. i didn't want to think about never seeing the seniors again. mr.c started crying as he hugged all of them. steve came up to me and we hugged and wish eachother good luck. that's when it hit me. steve's a senior! that was my last competiton with my brother. i will never be on the same field as him again. i will never drive to a practice with him and he won't be there with me on a trip or at band camp. what am i going to do? it's stupid but in band, my brother's my rock. he is out of band too. he's going to college and wow.. i just don't want him too.
so i started crying myself and then the fact that all the seniors were leaving hit me as well. i hugged all of them and told them that i loved them. dave told us to take all that emotion and put it on the field. so we went to the ready, got snapped to attention, and marched out. i could still hear sniffles throughout the double line.
the show.. was okay. overall i think it was amazing, but as far as individuals go, it could have been better. the tears came harder as we marched off the field and got another speech from dave, and then from mr.c. there were hugs and congratulations given out. i leaned against the wall, just thinking about the whole year.. the staff.. the crying.. the friendships. the laughing until we cried. the way it feels when you get a compliment, and the determination that comes over you when you're told you can do better. the way it feels every time you march on and off that field. the way you look up and see everybody's shako raised high in the hair, it's silver plume glissening. it's this rich feeling. i thought about the changes of friends, and the fights. i thought about the way it was last year and all that has changed. i was scared for next year. what will change then? will it be as amazing as this year?
i was interupted when colette came over to me and we hugged for a very long time. after everybody was calmed down we walked to get our pictures taken. then we changed and ate dinner. took some pictures there too!!
awards were fun. as we waited to get in, i kept talking to other bands. i'm sorry i'm just a friendly person! "hi.. i like your tuba." "whoa, nice base drum!!!!" *points down to tenors* "i'm gonna play that." *recieves odd look from person* ahaha i love it. when we finally got into the stadium i sat with marielle colette and all them. fun times. we made the top 10. i was ecstatic that we did that, but i thought our score would be higher. but still.. that's awesome. the staff could not have been happier.
bus ride home.. oh man. we were so hyper! i cried as we left.. i didn't want the season to end. it was my last bus ride with those kids this year. had so much fun, though. got to the school, took care of putting everything away, and then went to friendly's with everybody. oh em gee. what a great way to finish off a season.. spend it with the people you love most!!!
i don't want to get any more emotional because i think i'll cry again. i cried on the way home from friendly's because steve had christmas music on. that was my grandmom's favorite. as i walked into the house i looked in the mirror and couldn't believe how wet my face was.. i was crying that hard. it's going to be tough this year.
well.. as bad as this journal looks i think this is a good entry! check back =)
<3
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[12 Nov 2004|08:00pm] |
one: i'm a bad girlfriend.
two: i just realized that this background is way too small and i'm trying to make it bigger but it probably won't work.
three: my plans for tonight just went out the window because again, i'm a bad girlfriend.
four: i'm done with this entry.
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[12 Nov 2004|04:49pm] |
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indescribable |
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sugarcult |
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the week is finally over.
the girls stayed over wednesday night! yaaay i love themmmm. i even made a picturetrail with just pictures of my bandos! www.picturetrail.com/letdownbeautiful - looook. =)
football game tonight was put off.. yay again. don't know what's going on now though, probably the coffee house?
school's boring and stupid. we're reading the crucible in english and i think that's the only class i stay awake in. the book is freaky as anything(witches and spirits and.. whoa 0.o) but it's really interesting and the people on the tape thing get really loud.
*holds head* i confuse myself.. so much. i just want to get away from everybody.. everything. i wanna get away from myself. i hate these moments when i'm so down. i hate them. you have no idea. i just wanna scream and run away but where am i going to run to?
dan i'm so happy for you =)
*squeezes eyes shut* i need to go..
i don't know.
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[09 Nov 2004|03:00pm] |
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okay |
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michelle branch |
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i absolutely adore this new background.. oh em gee. butterflies<3
so the last few days have been weird. one minute i'm smiling and loving life.. the next i'm laying on my bed crying. the past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions, and everytime i try and forget.. it all comes back.
well we're leaving for florida next wednesday.. i think i'm getting excited. i mean i'm hating the leaving home part, especially right now, but it's disney world!! and i miss 3 days of school.. besides the make-up work, that's pretty fun! =)
going to friendly's tonight before practice.. comeeeeee =) it'll be fuuun.
practice 3 days this week.. stupid championships. wow this season is definately over practically.. *tries to grasp it* it went by so fast.
grades are good.. mp1 is over next week. i'm worried about spanish but i saw today that i'm not failing. i gotta bring it up but even if it's just a C that's better than an F. much better. everything else= a's and b's. yay.
amy got me this awesome scarf from scotland.. it's so cuuuuteeee i can wear it all day.
well i'm out.. i'm sorry my life is so boringgggg.
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[07 Nov 2004|01:40pm] |
there's a song that's inside of my soul
it's the one that i've tried to write over and over again
i'm awake in the infinate cold
but you sing to me over and over and over again
so i lay my head back down
and i lift my hands and pray
to be only yours
i pray to be only yours
i know now you're my only hope
sing to me the song of the stars
of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
when it feels like my dreams are so far
sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again
so i lay my head back down
and i lift my hands and pray
to be only yours
i pray to be only yours
i know now you're my only hope
i give you my destiny
i'm givng you all of me
i want your symphony
singing in all that i am
at the top of my lungs i'm giving it back
so i lay my head back down
and i lift my hands and pray
to be only yours
i pray to be only yours
i know now you're my only hope
---
amazing song.. i will never get tired of it<3 and it's been a few years.
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[06 Nov 2004|01:15am] |
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<3 |
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so you're gonna have to deal with how this thing looks. i'll change it once i get my collage up! it's gonna look so great.
we won the game.. what else is new. actually this year we didn't make playoffs. that's a big surprise. it sucks because now we have a game on thanksgiving. not like anybody is gonna be in the "mood" this year but we were planning on going up to the parade. nowwwww because the football team actually lost more than one game we might not be able to. =(
after the game kris, bec and i went over erin's. lots of staff came and yeah didn't talk to them much. the c dawg was of course there.. hahahaaaaa you gotta love him. my "big brother"? cuute.
good luck kids taking the sat's tomorrow! including dom<3
practice from 2-4, pizza party, then competiton.(tomorrow's schedule) yeaaah tom's river. i hope we win. we won't, because we're up against southern regional but psh who needs them.
the lock-in was fuuunnnnn. lots of pictures were taken. if i don't get to post my collage then i'll definately post those pictures!!! they're so cute.
band season's almost over. i'm gonna miss it, but i miss my non bando friends. i want a life. this season went by so fast it's rediculous. i'm gonna be a junior next year!! h0Ly cRaPp. that is insane. maybe i'll try a new instrument next year, too? how about.. bass drum? or.. TENORS!! yeah i think they weigh more than me. x that out.
i miss my grandmom</3
watched a walk to remember with the girls tonight.. oh em gee i still cry! after 247456262 times seeing it yeah i still cry. i'm such a dork.
this entry jumps around so much. how stupid.
i love you<3
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[05 Nov 2004|09:24am] |
definately having some trouble with this journal thing.
see the blue by the scroll bar? that's because this damn background that i got isn't big enough to cover the whole freaking thing. i've tried resizing it. sooo you all just have to look at that ugly blue until i figure out how to fix it.
if you know how, tell me.
<3
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[03 Nov 2004|06:09pm] |
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who knows |
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dead poetic |
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everyday gets a little bit easier yet harder at the same time.
blah for bush winning another 4 years. i think that is cheap.
i love how it's been like 6 days and i have nothing to say.
that is awesome.
haaa to all you suckers who have school this week. which is obviously nobody in twp.
sarah likes bush.. she adores him, apparently. double you tee eff? why doesn't she just marry the guy?
lock-in tonight!! ohh baby it's going to be fun. i'm not staying the whole time though.. too sleeeeepppppyyy.
how about you leave some nice comments in here? some that are as random as this entry, perhaps?
kthxbye.
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[30 Oct 2004|08:11am] |
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why does that damn "proud to be an american" song always make me cry? i mean i cried everytime i heard it before all this happened, but when they played it last night at the fireworks, man you should have seen me. i couldn't even walk with the band back to the school.
it's going to be a longgg weekend. colette i miss you already =( =( <3
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[28 Oct 2004|02:10pm] |
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can't stop crying.. |
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rest in peace grandmom..
you're my star. there's no doubt about that. you're everything to me and i'm so sad that you're gone, but i know you're happy. god missed you too much. you're with grandpop now and that's great because i know you guys missed each other. i love you so much.. i'm sorry you were so sick. i don't know what i'm going to do everytime i pass your room, but i know that you're okay up there.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! =( i'll be talking to you though.
<3 <3
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[27 Oct 2004|09:38pm] |
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afi |
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erin was my twin today. it was so cute! we look exactly alike when we're in uniform.. you should have seen us today! i love herrr.
went to the haunted theatre with dom tonight. others were supposed to come but they're stupid. =) it was cool lol. everybody said it was corny but hey i was scared! manda laur melis and kay.. you guys were definately the best lol. everybody kept saying that kayleen screamed the best lol. good job guys!! =)
so a bunch of us are being disney characters for halloween. i'm being belle and dom's been pooh. yeah they don't go together at all but who cares. meegan's being tinkerbell and i thinkk kev's being peterpan lol. i won't be able to trick or treat with the cool kids but hey at least we have friday lol.
i was dreading this weekend up until 2 minutes ago. sarah emailed me saying she was going to blue rocks saturday! ahh i'm so excited!!!! i doubt we'll see each other but she promised to give me an air gram so i know she's there. it's so hard.. i miss her. =( she's home this weekend but busy. blah.
i hate spanish. yes i do. do you? =P
lock-in next wednesdayy!! you have to be under 16 to get in unless you're in the band. comeee!! alot of my friends are 17 including my boyfriend which sucks but ah i'm sure they'll get in. shhh! don't tell anybodyyyy. COMEEEEE! it'll be funn. and don't worry about the stupid gangsters because they're gay and we are cooler than them.
does your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard? and are you like.. they're better than yours?
double you tee eff is up with me tonight. i need sleep. but again i hate spanish and i gotta study. =| oh maaaan.
i love you 3859839x more than i did before!!! =)
smileeee.
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[25 Oct 2004|07:02pm] |
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crazyyyy |
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all american rejects! |
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bad day at school.
went out with dom for a few hours afterwards, saw al and joe at the halloween store.. fun times. joe told the manager off. we were apparently "loitering". just because they tried to buy the little kids version of the spongebob costume for me does not mean we are "fooling around". they really thought i could fit into it. "alright, just STOP, okay?" lol ohh man.
i can't believe we have a competition on halloween! that's so unfair. "we're too old to trick-or-treat anyway" um.. no. i will definately trick or treat until i am 30 freaking years old. don't you tell me that i'm too old to go around knocking on random people's houses asking for candy. don't even.
but this year i can't! =( double you tee eff is that about??
i'm tired. i have loads of quizzes tomorrow because teachers rock that much. =D
chrissy danielle and i made our homeroom door sexy. hahaha we so lost that contest.. but it was fun with those 2 crazy girls!
i love colette..
"like.. a show?"
"no, a show" i made that lovely comment
"oh.. okay." she agrees with everything.
juuust the way i loooveeee youuuuuuuuu. moo.
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[24 Oct 2004|11:23am] |
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you're a beautiful letdown<3 |
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well the home show was yesterday. it was rather successful.. and we topped it off with an amazingg performance.
our score of the night(even though we were expedition and didn't get placed, we still got scored): 90.7 with best gaurd and best percussion. only one band would have beat us if we were actually competing.. their score was 90.8.
we already broke 90 and we have 4 more competitions to go. eeeeeeee i'm excited.
i took a few pictures. when i get more onto my picturetrail i'll post the linkk.
thanks to all the awesome people who came last nighttt<3 it was fun seeing you guys.
my closing words: cover dowwwwnnnnn!!!!
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[20 Oct 2004|09:19pm] |
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sublime |
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to the people who went to the viewing/funeral today..
i know it's hard. you guys lost a great friend and i can't imagine the pain you are going through. just try to remember that even though he's not there physically, he's still there. he's still standing by his locker.. smiling at people as they go by. he's still hanging out with all his friends. he's there.. and you just have to believe that.
i'm so sorry to those who knew ian. he's not gone though.
<3
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[17 Oct 2004|04:16pm] |
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e-a-g-l-e-s eagles! haaaa. |
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life is tough.
i'm still high from last night. it was so great. the ride to rv.. then to shawnee. almost getting hit by a tornado! lol. sitting on the bus for hours waiting for the rain to stop.. and of course, erin hitting her head. that was scary. the show was amazing. we were so unfocused before it that we thought for sure it was going to be another last place night. but.. we did it. we pulled it off. awards ceremony.. best yet. hearing the last place being announced.. it wasn't us. second place wasn't us. honorable mention again? no.. first. it was so awesome. i loved the smiles that you saw throughout the whole band. and the hugs as i got on the bus. telling justin that he was wrong.. and i was so happy he was wrong. and of course.. sleeping away the stress of everything else on the way home.
i'm scared. i'm scared for my grandmom. i want her to be okay. i'm scared for ian and his family. i didn't even know him, but it's so sad. too young. i'm scared for my friends who did know him, and i hope that they realize soon that he's in a better place. it's hard.. but it's gotta be so much harder for those who knew and loved him. just the fact that i probably saw him in the halls once or twice is eerie. life is crazy. the most unexpected things will happen, and you can't do anything about it.
i'm tired. i have yet to get dressed.. and i don't care. i'm going out in about 20 minutes. yeah, 10 minutes to shower and throw another pair of pjs on. seriously.. i don't care today. i'm exhausted. cramps suck. i miss dom, and i wish i could sleep.
i miss those long nights at somebody's house. i miss sleepovers. band season is over soon and it'll all come back.. but do i want it back that bad? would i trade those countless hours with erin kris colette and others for a few sleepovers on friday nights? who knows. i don't. i hear people complain about band.. and sure i might be one of them. a practice on saturday? the competitions are long. very long days, and the practices before them only add to the tired eyes. but when we walk on that bus after a performance, exhausted, our bodies so sore that we can barely sit up and talk.. we know we did something right. and it's not even winter yet.. the bitter fingers and numb feet. you cry and say that you want to be home in your own bed but you know that you would not be having that much fun. and when the seasons over.. you are lonely. you miss the cold wind and the sore shoulders more than anything.
wtf am i talking about. i'm so out of it.
i love you<3
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summerxdreams's journal